4/21/2023
I fell ~6 feet off a waterfall, hit my head and torso first, busted my eyebrow open, and am fine. This all happened yesterday. Like, 27 hours ago. How crazy is that? It's barely been 24 hours since I tumbled off a waterfall and pretty much just splatted against rock. I wonder if there's a little blood stain where I fell. That would be beyond crazy. I can feel my 3 stitches everytime I look up or like move my eye. It's not like it hurts, it just bothers me a bit. Like my eyebrow is swollen and my eyelid is becoming swollen
4/10/2025
I've always been intruiged by the power of water to carve through rock, advancing slowly, digging into dirt and stone like a dull, patient blade. That's what education feels like. It feels like I am advancing slowly but mightily towards my goal. I still have many years to go. The water isn't unlike the will of the people either. It's like a lot of things. Fighting over and over again, year after year for something, making small notches into policy and government until finally-- a river is formed. I figure there we are a long way from creating that river, and I do not know if our water is fast enough to carve deep the gourge. How many years is it -- really -- going to take for the Earth to fall because of our mistreatment? I feel as though they extend the Earth's death date every now and then, pulling it back on other days like the tide pushing in and out.
4/6/2025
I went to a palestinian protest yesterday and bought a Keffiyeh today. I have been supporting palestine for 2 years now and it was the first protest I went to. Everyone was wearing one and i've been wanting to wear semething as a form of protest and it seemed appropriate. I'll wear it out and about too because it is almost never a bad time to spread awareness. I have been very tired today. I am going to meditate while going to bed to try and lucid dream or something of the sort. I wonder if astral projection is really just the same thing as lucid dreaming? I wouldn't be surpised.
4/2/2025
I'm so sleepy today. I've been obsessed with YellowJackets. I really want my writing to feel artistic, like an artistic representation of my life so that it isn't just me listing off the random things that happen in my life. How do I describe things eloquently and in an interesting way? I figure I could describe my classroom. I'm sitting in english class, cross-legged in a short gray chair, watching my teacher pass out essay after essay. I got an 80% on mine, and I just feel so... stupid. I look around as he talks about how the grades convert to IB grades, and my throat feels heavy. If I were really as good as writing as I claim myself to be, why didn't I get a 100%? I suppose I need to remind myself that the way a teacher grades your work does not define the quality of it or your knowledge. He gave me the same score as the one before editing. I can only hope he picked the wrong one. Even if he didn't, it really doesn't define my knowledge. I know I am a good writer. It's IB style, and IB style has always been this infinite repetitive movement that drills holes into your skull simply to state the obvious. It never meshed with me. I like the whimsical writing styles of David Sheff or Joan Didion. I feel their writing speaks to me, and Joan Didion's essays fill my heart with the message they intend to portray. I think i'll go write in creative writing now to try to excersize my writing skills. If you can't tell, that's one of the only words I cannot seem to ever spell correctly. I need to get that in check.
3/29/2025
I swear something is wrong with my knee joint. There is no way it is normal for your knee to make a 'popping' sound (like when you snap a rubber band after it gets caught on something) when you're just moving your knee like a normal person. Sometimes i'll be walking and suddenly won't be able to put any pressure on my leg because my knee is just,, not working. And when those sorts of things happen I can't fully straighten my knee. I am hesitant to call it anything because of course, I am a hypochondriac (bless lexapro and her hard work), but even then it matches descriptions of patellar subluxation. This is when your knee dislocates only partially, not fully. I think I'm going to take a break from adding to this to go research patellar subluxation and put it in my medical infodump. Nerd...
3/23/2025
Today was pretty low key. I chilled for most of the day and did my routine with oil cleansing and everything. I need to trust that with time the routine will work out! Just need to stop picking at my face and let it heal. I was watching YellowJackets and kind of want to write a story about people crashing and being stranded. Especially with the cult like clips I saw?? Would make for some interesting writing. I really don't think I have anything big going on next week so I hope I don't have any surpise tests or whatever. I usually don't but you never know!! Felt weirdly anxious today and I could not tell you why. Just being silly ig. I don't know what else to write about but I really like the feeling and sound of typing on a keyboard so I may just rant in my medical infodump page.
3/24/2025
I'm in english class right now and I actually hate it so much. The work is so pointless and genuinely I feel like an IB robot whenever I work on things. We don't even have any actual assignments so IDK why we have to do this bs. I have to read an excerpt (that has barely any tension) and write about how the author creates tension. genuinely not helpful at all for paper 2 and i'm not even an IB student so do I really care? no. I just think it's all pointless busywork since he doesn't even check it. Like, how are we supposed to know anything if he's not grading it? doesn't make much sense to me. Exams are like 4 weeks away (including this week) and one of those weeks is spring break so is this really useful? The answer: no. It's brain melting nothingness. I LOVE analysing things but goddamn I do NOT want to analyse this boring play. Angels In America? I'll write a 400 page book about it. Random play that genuinely no one knows about because it is dry as hell? Absolutely not. Will I survive this class? I guess we'll see.
3/22/2025
meepmoop im kinda just testing this and hoping it works :3
